


All That's Mine

by orphan_account



Category: Depeche Mode
Genre: Depression, Gen, Mental Breakdown, Minor Original Character(s), New York City, One Shot, Sad and Sweet, Sad with a Happy Ending, Songfic, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-31 01:03:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21028973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Depeche Mode song fic, set up in New York, at the gap between recording "Delta Machine" and releasing single "Heaven"





	All That's Mine

As I think about this now, this story just was never supposed to happen. But life writes the most unpredictable scripts. Just like in this one case.

When this had happened, I was a fifteen years old girl with too many problems on my head. After a long fight, brain cancer took my mother's life. And after my father's death in car accident, I lived with my stepfather, who was addicted to alcohol and used violence. My schoolmates were bullying me because of being not rich and having different interests. As my friend left me after next false rumour, I was completely alone.

The only thing that kept me alive then, was a trio from Basildon and music made by them. Most of the time when I was in low, I only had to play one Depeche Mode album and the life was better. But one day that wasn't enough to console. Three weeks before my sixteenth birthday, I made a desperate decision to throw myself under the underground train. I didn't manage to live anymore.

On this almost fatal day I didn't come back from school to home (or rather from one hell to next one?). Instead of that, I went to the closest tube station, where I sat on a bench and waited for a saviour, writing my farewell letter.  
I almost finished it, when suddenly a card was blown away from my hands because of arriving train.

Somehow the fate wanted that the letter was caught by quite recognisable man in middle age. It was Dave Gahan.

Although I knew that he lived in New York, I never expected to meet him in my life. And definitely not when I wanted to finish with all. I stood unmoved, waiting for what was going to happen next.

\- Is that yours? - he asked. I confirmed it, and he gave the letter back with the look, that was suggesting something. It seemed that he found out, what was it.

" I know, that is rude to write someone's else letters, but... "he looked at me with care and afraidness " Do you want to kill yourself?"  
" Yes, I do. I hate my life and myself. You will not understand this. Nobody can do it. "Why the man, that didn't know me, wanted to pay attention to me now and wanted to change decision that had no affection to world? It would be better if he left me alone.

" I am aware of this. That's your story that I will never be able to know as a whole. Maybe I tried to commit suicide, but my problems, because of which I wanted to do it, were completely different than yours. But please, wait one moment more with taking away your like. I'd really like to add something to your letter. It is a song that I wrote with my friend. Since you are so sure that you won't even live at the next single release, not to mention album, then let me just show this one song for you." after a short while I agreed and gave him the card with pen in silence.

A few minutes later he gave me the farewell letter back. As I read, what he had written, I sat on a bench and started to cry. Probably it was a first time for so long, when someone cared about me. A few minutes were gone, when me and Dave was quiet, thinking about what had just happened.

"And one thing more. What's your name? " Dave had decided to break the silence. He crouched and put friendly his hand on my left shoulder. What was strange for me, no one had neither earlier nor now paying attention for this situation. And actually it was good. That was enough that this one person had done that.

"Claire." I answered with tears on my cheeks. I looked at his eyes. Maybe we were in the middle of civilisation but I felt like there were only two people. Me and him.

"Listen, Claire. If there is anything more that I can do to make us meet again in better circumstances, for example at the concert on the tour promoting our next album, let me know and I will do my best to make it." I thought a while and then answered

"Could you give me your phone number. To be sure, that in moments of doubt I can call you and hear your voice. This support would probably be enough to go through worst times of my life."I didn't know why, but desire of ending with world was going away from me

"If you don't call me at night with you besties with no reason and you don't sell it to private detectives, then of course I will give it to you." said half joking, half seriously. After saying that he wrote on the letter a few numbers and hearty words.

"If the situation at home is as awful, as you had written, you can always stay on the worst moments in my flat. Even when I am not there, you can ask Jen about this. She wouldn't mind it. And you wouldn't feel lonely there. I have daughter in similar age. You should get along with her." It was in the same time strange, sad and incredible. To save a desperated girl he was able to do this much. He could give to one meaningless fan so many things. It just couldn't fit in my head. Many thoughts were coming through my mind, but I answered in the way, as most of the people in this situation would.

"Thank you. I never thought that I would meet my favourite frontman in this way, but thanks for what you have given to me with Depeche Mode. And greet the boys." Dave for an agreement sign shook his head. Then he stood up, still looking at my brown eyes.

" Of course that I will. But please, promise, that you won't try to do harm for yourself, Claire."I couldn't refuse. Not when I had a reason to live.

"I promise. And see you in better days." I hugged him sincerely and left.  
Still having the taste of my dried tears in my mouth, I managed to make a honest smile. What a luck did I have that someone or something had put him on my way.

  
From that day on, I gained more strength to fight the difficult reality. When I began to doubt the sense of everything, I opened a drawer with personal treasures and picked up a piece of paper on which there was an unfinished farewell letter. Reading annotations was usually enough to find courage. In addition, after further telephone conversations, I started to go to a psychiatrist. It gave me extra support. I no longer felt alone with everything that had been bothering me so far.

I visited Dave's flat three times, and that was only because my stepfather was in almost dangerous for my life state.

After achieving majority age, I managed to move out of my family home and started working in a cafe two intersections from the place of residence of the man to whom I owe my life. Soon after becoming independent, I met a boy who became the love of my life. I didn't get married long after that.

It was quite modest celebration. The only thing worth paying attention was the fact that as a result of my request, instead of my stepfather, I was brought to the altar by Dave. And on the wedding party he had sung one song. This one that lead me away from the worst of possible decisions...

"I know it's hard to reach you,  
I know it's hard to breathe  
I know it's hard to be you sometimes,  
I can't imagine what that means..."

The end


End file.
